i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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