Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
