so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I am morally bankrupt
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
