genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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