i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
