I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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