I'm going to jail i love you
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
