So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
