My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
