i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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