If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
only you would photoshop your dick
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize