i love accidental penises.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
