Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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