well you can't waste a boner
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
