You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
