Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
