He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
