After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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