you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
