Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
