I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
