i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
