i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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