I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
