Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
