You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
