I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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