Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
