You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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