You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
