I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
