Already got asked if we're dating
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
