He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
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I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
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Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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