Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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