So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
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I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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