I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
