I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize