My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
