I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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