xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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