Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
