Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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