I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
and she was petting her beer can
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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