There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
