I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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