my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
