My balls are so social today.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
