like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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