So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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