Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
