Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
