So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
