I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
