Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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