Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
