my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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