Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
