I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I love having hate sex.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
