I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am one with the molecules
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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