If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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