Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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