you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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