He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
