Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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