Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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