woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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