My sheets look like a crime scene.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
