i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
