For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
