Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
