I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
