Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
