If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
