wat bout pragnant strippers??
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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