once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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